Move your mind, Move your body, Move your soul.
The full moon energy, combined with the eclipse is bringing in a lot of growth energy. And I feel it. Do you? Things long hovering under the surface are rearing their ugly little heads. The lessons we are here to learn are screaming for our attention.
For me, the last week or so has been about Rejection.
Of all places these days, I am feeling rejected by the yoga community. I say this and laugh to myself because I have experienced feelings of connection and acceptance right alongside those of rejection. And yet, Rejection is what I cling to. Why??
Because the story I hang on to is one of Rejection. Fear that if I show myself to the world, I will be rejected, proving that I am unworthy of love. (Which feeds my story, even though I want to grab hold of the new story!)
I feel lucky to be able to see what is happening so clearly. I feel lonely at times and yet, when people ask me to do things – to socialize and probably be less lonely – I run and hide! I know a lot of this has to do with my introverted nature, but I also think it is ultimately tied to my fear of being rejected for being myself.
So what do I do?
It's Monday. I teach on Mondays. But not this one.
On June 30th, a lot of chapters ended for me. We closed the doors at Magnolia, a studio that had lived in three locations over 6 years. Closing the physical door was hard. It was also the day that a friend moved away and my kids went off to camp.
I feel unsettled right now, not knowing what is next for me. I have a hard time not "doing." These last few days have been full of quiet. I've spent a lot of time alone, I've meditated, walked, moved my body around. I am conscious of my breath and what comes up with the rise and fall of chapters in our lives.
Sadness, relief, joy, worry, confusion.
I came to Magnolia looking for community, respite, and self-acceptance. I received so many lessons and teachers, many of those whose marks are lasting and some only being felt now. I am extremely grateful.
I am learning to trust that my path is guided.
As a culture, we often focus on milestones. Big anniversaries, long term successes, mega-jackpots, superlatives. We don't often pay homage to the moments in between: truly the small pieces that make up our lives.
There were so many small moments encapsulated in the walls at Magnolia. It's going to be different. It already is different.
Today is Monday. I don't teach today. It's a learning day, listening to the messages from the Universe and from my soul. It's a day to honor this chapter, and to open to the next moment.
You gotta feel it to heal it.