Every day after writing my gratitudes, I pull a tarot card. Its meant to capture the essence of the day for me - what I will pay attention to, where my energy might gravitate. 

Today, on the lunar eclipse - with 3 more weeks of shrinking light and growing shadows - OF COURSE, I pick The Devil. Now, the Devil gets a bad wrap. As if it's reminding us of all of those "bad parts" of us and that we must tame the beast or whatever. No.

The Devil card is a reminder that we have parts of ourselves that we hide from the world. We hide the things that we are told will make us UN-loveable. The Devil card is really trying to tell us that we are going to face those parts of us - and the best thing we can do it LOVE 'em. Let them come forward, out of the dark, and tell them we love them too.

I think it's seriously awesome that I pulled this card today. During eclipse season's many are encouraged to let things be illuminated and then fall away. Our beings/psyches are protective. Our bodies are always moving towards balance, health, well-being. The qualities that we see in ourselves are also protective. 

Perhaps today - or this season, this month - you might notice how it has all come to serve you in your highest and best. And those things that you no longer need will dissipate with the morning light.

Maybe it's the current phase of the moon, growing towards full on the 30th. It is a time for action (1st quarter moon) and refinement.

PLUS, it's Thanksgiving week. Many are gathering differently this year. Many are also considering Thanksgiving in a different light as more shed the true history behind Thanksgiving. What it is. What it never was. And what it could be.

Maybe it is also because of the phase I find myself in, nearing Mid-Life. Rather than having a full on Mid-Life Crisis or "Awakening" (a la Brene Brown. I love you, Brene!), I am having a Mid-Life Re-Write. I'm coining it right now.

For several days I've been scribbling about my old stories.  With 43 years perspective layered on those past experiences, they don't sound the same when I speak them anymore. Re-writing them feels like taking my power back.

A re-write doesn't have to be writing, but of course, I love to write. I spent a couple of days imagining that every single thing in my life happened in my favor. Even the bad stuff. Even the regrets and the resentments. What if it was all for my benefit? And then I wrote the story of my life.

Today might be a bit of a ramble.

It's so funny how healing is. I can tell you what it isn't. It isn't a one-time thing. It isn't getting somewhere and everything is a jolly ole pile of rainbows one day. It comes and goes. Much like water,  and maybe this is why the ocean seems to know me.

I took today off of work. I was feeling this pent up "doneness" brimming. Quick to annoyance. Quick to tears. Realizing I am feeling a little off. That's the sub-title of this year, isn't it?

So I took the day - and I'm not calling it 'self-care', because I feel really adverse to that language (not sure why yet). I don't know what I'm calling it. But it's a day to re-set my nervous system. It's a focused healing, here-and-now day. It's a remembering who I am day. I'm saying YES to what I want and No, Thanks to those things I don't. Of course, I'm still a Mama, surrounded by teens who are surfacing their own emotions. I still have bills to pay and a list of "things" to do. I suppose it's expanding the time + space to breathe into my heart and to listen to what I need. And then doing those things.

A couple of realizations today:

• I am a safe space. When I drop the judgments of myself and others, I can be what I am meant to be. Love and support. I love when I catch myself embodying this for my kids. Allow, allow, allow. And then soothe.
• For a long time, I wanted people to like me. So much that I focused on HOW I could get people to like me rather than getting to know and liking other people. These days, I am investing energy in myself and in the people that I want to know more about. This is a HUGE shift for me. It also makes it easier to lean into the connections that my heart wants to grow.
• No one else needs to tell me that my story/my experience/my gift(s) matters. I can provide the validation I need for myself. This completely links to the realization above.

I am so excited to continue this day. It is like a deep breath for my whole being.