From Me to We

Today might be a bit of a ramble.

It's so funny how healing is. I can tell you what it isn't. It isn't a one-time thing. It isn't getting somewhere and everything is a jolly ole pile of rainbows one day. It comes and goes. Much like water,  and maybe this is why the ocean seems to know me.

I took today off of work. I was feeling this pent up "doneness" brimming. Quick to annoyance. Quick to tears. Realizing I am feeling a little off. That's the sub-title of this year, isn't it?

So I took the day - and I'm not calling it 'self-care', because I feel really adverse to that language (not sure why yet). I don't know what I'm calling it. But it's a day to re-set my nervous system. It's a focused healing, here-and-now day. It's a remembering who I am day. I'm saying YES to what I want and No, Thanks to those things I don't. Of course, I'm still a Mama, surrounded by teens who are surfacing their own emotions. I still have bills to pay and a list of "things" to do. I suppose it's expanding the time + space to breathe into my heart and to listen to what I need. And then doing those things.

A couple of realizations today:

• I am a safe space. When I drop the judgments of myself and others, I can be what I am meant to be. Love and support. I love when I catch myself embodying this for my kids. Allow, allow, allow. And then soothe.
• For a long time, I wanted people to like me. So much that I focused on HOW I could get people to like me rather than getting to know and liking other people. These days, I am investing energy in myself and in the people that I want to know more about. This is a HUGE shift for me. It also makes it easier to lean into the connections that my heart wants to grow.
• No one else needs to tell me that my story/my experience/my gift(s) matters. I can provide the validation I need for myself. This completely links to the realization above.

I am so excited to continue this day. It is like a deep breath for my whole being.