Move your mind, Move your body, Move your soul.
There is a hilarious song running through my mind right now called "I've got hurt feelings" by Flight of the Conchords.
This is likely self-protection. Well, I'm going to get into it anyhow. Because I know I have to get. it. out.
My mom and I have had a challenging relationship over the years. It has gotten leaps and bounds better. And yet, sometimes she still really knows how to push my hurt button.
So yesterday, she felt called :) to tell me she thinks I should get trained in Functional Medicine. I took it as a compliment that she thinks I am a healer. So I hold that in my heart.
I expressed my true desire - to be a writer. To write books by the ocean, to make my money from writing and helping people heal.
She laughed. And then she said something about "Good luck getting that in your Santa Claus world!" And then she quickly switched to talking about something she is wishing for and how she basically shut herself down from that wish, realizing that she would have to work hard to get what she wished for. That wishes don't just happen.
When I first wrote the above paragraph, I wrote "She laughed at me." Because that is what it felt like. It felt like she was laughing at my dream. And shit! That hurts.
I spent much of the afternoon reminding myself that people respond to us in ways that they respond to themselves - which was so clearly the situation here. I also reminded myself that she is in her phases of healing too, and that the conversation wasn't all bad. Basically, I was trying to convince myself that I wasn't feeling hurt. Or that I didn't deserve/have the right to feel negatively about the interaction.
But it DID hurt. And it made me so freakin' angry. Because how DARE SHE squash my dreams down like that? Even at my age of 43.
Phew. Big audible exhale on that one.
Readers: Don't let anyone tell you you can't do something. They are only talking to themselves.
You gotta feel it to heal it.