Judgment Day

After the latest school shooting, I wrote an entire essay on Judgment. On disconnection, self-loathing, bullying, violence. What I realized through the writing process is that I want to share some ideas about how to move past the judgment. Releasing the judgment we feel from others and the barbs we hurl back.

​"You judge because you are not comfortable in your own being" - Ram Dass

Many of us feel unlovable. We feel broken, often because of our histories, and we feel judged for that brokenness. We judge ourselves for it. We tell ourselves we are not good enough.

Even deeper than that, we try to separate from the parts we don't like. And if we see that same tendency/trait/word in others? We lash out. I see this every day in the US political system. I see it in myself when I shudder at our "leaders", when I blame, when I criticize.

So what's the cure? What can you actually do to make this world a better place?

#1. Deal with your shit. You can do this lovingly, gently, kindly. It sounds easy & trite "Be nice to yourself." Experiment with what it means to be unconditionally loving to yourself. What does it feel like to be loved? Maybe it's journaling, talking kindly, taking a walk, taking a nap.

#2. Notice. notice the thoughts that run through your mind and the words that escape your lips. Are you separating from yourself? Are you judging?​ It's ok. It's not going to change overnight. Now, notice the feeling in your body. For me, judgment feels like a pit in my stomach and a constriction through my chest, my throat starts to hurt. I hole up into myself like Picasso’s Blue Nude.

#3. Open & Release! Once you know where the feeling is (like how I feel judgment through my torso and a lump in my throat), you can move with the body to work it out. In the heart and shoulders, yogic cat/cow breaths might feel nice. Fold into yourself and then open/expand real big!

#4. Get Quiet. Every moment of every day, we have choices before the next moment. In practice, you can slow down your thoughts and your reactions. You can pause. You can choose a new way. If meditation is your thing, do it. If not, start with a centering idea of "How can I love myself better today?" 

#5. Choose a new way of thinking or speaking. Already came out of your mouth? OK. Write it down. That thought or those words. And then flip the paper and approach the situation from a different perspective. So much of our angst stems from denying how things are. 

#6. Keep working on it, with an open heart. 

We absolutely have to start with ourselves. As you find more compassion for your own way(s) of being in the world, you can find that compassion for others. ​

Feeling judged by others? Try this exercise!

judgment_clearing_exercise.pdf
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