My Shift. (Part 2)

So I started my story a few months back, and how I tell it is continuing to evolve. 

I left my corporate job in the summer of 2015; I left feeling really broken and unsure of what value I was bringing to the world. I left feeling like I didn't have any skills, like I didn't have any worth. (Remember I was tying up all of my worth on others' perceptions, approval, etc)

I did a (nearly) complete 180 degree turn and bought a yoga & barre studio. I have tended towards "all or nothing" in my approach to things. The whole chucking the baby with the bathwater resonates.

With the studio, I was looking for community, for true embodiment - and I got both. I also received the gift of time with my family. And the gift of financial worry, strained relationships, and the fear of standing out/being seen/living big bubbled to the surface. I am serious when I say that these were gifts. Shitty to face, but gifts all the same.

The best (shitty) lesson came through my marriage. My husband I separated for a short time. We got caught up in the stress of life, years of blaming each other, and it all came to a head in 2017. I talked about it, at the time, as taking a step away from him with each interaction. Instead of leaning in, I was leaning out. Way out. And I didn't know how to stop the unraveling between us. That was my first experience of true surrender. I literally gave it over to the Divine Source. I heard of a method - I think from Gabby Bernstein called a God Box.

I wrote down - "I surrender my relationship to You. Please restore us to your highest and best" on a piece of paper. Then, I kissed it, and placed it inside a box carved from stone (a gift from my husband). I let it sit on my nightstand for a few days. I found myself still thinking about it, even peeking into the box to look at the paper. So one night, I burned it, right inside the box, and left the ashes. It represented for me, a true letting go.

After 3 weeks apart, we decided to come back together for our highest and best.

The issue that continues to come up for me these days - the lessons of the moment are around being seen. Why is this so hard? So much like I did in the cold November of 2017, I am pulling out that carved stone container once again.

​"Please help me give my fear over to YOU.  I trust you to elevate my work to serve the highest and best for all."