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Shift.

My Shift. (Part 2)

3/15/2019

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So I started my story a few months back, and how I tell it is continuing to evolve. 

I left my corporate job in the summer of 2015; I left feeling really broken and unsure of what value I was bringing to the world. I left feeling like I didn't have any skills, like I didn't have any worth. (Remember I was tying up all of my worth on others' perceptions, approval, etc)

I did a (nearly) complete 180 degree turn and bought a yoga & barre studio. I have tended towards "all or nothing" in my approach to things. The whole chucking the baby with the bathwater resonates.

With the studio, I was looking for community, for true embodiment - and I got both. I also received the gift of time with my family. And the gift of financial worry, strained relationships, and the fear of standing out/being seen/living big bubbled to the surface. I am serious when I say that these were gifts. Shitty to face, but gifts all the same.

The best (shitty) lesson came through my marriage. My husband I separated for a short time. We got caught up in the stress of life, years of blaming each other, and it all came to a head in 2017. I talked about it, at the time, as taking a step away from him with each interaction. Instead of leaning in, I was leaning out. Way out. And I didn't know how to stop the unraveling between us. That was my first experience of true surrender. I literally gave it over to the Divine Source. I heard of a method - I think from Gabby Bernstein called a God Box.

I wrote down - "I surrender my relationship to You. Please restore us to your highest and best" on a piece of paper. Then, I kissed it, and placed it inside a box carved from stone (a gift from my husband). I let it sit on my nightstand for a few days. I found myself still thinking about it, even peeking into the box to look at the paper. So one night, I burned it, right inside the box, and left the ashes. It represented for me, a true letting go.

After 3 weeks apart, we decided to come back together for our highest and best.

The issue that continues to come up for me these days - the lessons of the moment are around being seen. Why is this so hard? So much like I did in the cold November of 2017, I am pulling out that carved stone container once again.

​"Please help me give my fear over to YOU.  I trust you to elevate my work to serve the highest and best for all."
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    You gotta feel it to heal it.

    ​Our physical bodies are the primary tool we use to experience this life. Connecting with our breath, moving vibrations through our physical bodies, feeling what comes up, and then releasing through expression, surrender, creativity. This is being human in these human bodies.

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